I had a stray thought the other day. As Greg has been preparing to do two weeks on Conflict Management for our small group, I was thinking about our marriage and the marriages of those around us and had this picture come into my mind. I saw a slice view of the earth, like in 4th grade.
I saw the mountains and valleys as the relational stuff we go through every day. Surface stuff. Good times and bad. If we follow God's word and not let the sun go down on our anger, our disagreements never damage the mantle, where hurt begins. This is the level of love in our marriage. It's the thing that protects our commitment and allows us to maintain our relationship, holding up the mountains and surviving the valleys.
If our love is hurt by name calling, insults, or physical abuse, we've really damaged our love for one another and it takes quite a bit to heal that. If these negative behaviors continue to occur and never get a chance to heal, we risk damaging the core, our commitment. That is where couples find themselves when they consider divorce.
God advised us to never allow the sun to go down on our anger so that our love for one another and our commitment to one another are never threatened. Keep your disagreements to a minimum, talk things out, clear the air, kill the elephants, etc. Protect your marriage's inner core.
Blessings to you on this windy, sunny Tuesday!
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Surprise!
Back again already. Made you jump, huh? hee, hee, hee.
We had a great small group meeting last night. As we drove over with one of our leadership team members and she and Greg we chatting, I began to pray silently for the meeting. Greg and I always prayed together on the way over and we've seen some amazing things happen in our meetings. Lately, the conversations in the car have nixed the prayer time, so being the quiet one, I decided to cover it. Last night was no different, the coolest thing that happened was that their youngest son and his fiance showed up for the entire meeting. They've been to 2 of our prayer meetings over the last 8-10 months. We were thrilled to have them there, and boy did they show up for a doozy of a topic!
We finished our series on marriage, ending with . . . romance and sex. It didn't seem to me Greg held anything back, but he said he did a little. We looked at scripture and Greg had each couple do some talking back and forth at times. One of the topics he touched on was about a husband being a spiritual covering for his wife. The funny thing was that 3 of the 4 women knew what a spiritual covering was and could explain it to her husband, and not one husband knew what it was!
A spiritual covering is when a husband prays with and for his wife, puts her needs above his own, leads his family, and is right with God. The wonderful thing about men who do this is the effect it has on their wife. We all shared it made us feel treasured, loved, cared for, protected, and safe. When a woman feels this way, there is trust and mutual understanding. Our roles as husband and wife are more properly aligned. This results in a woman wanting to share in the physical part of the relationship.
Greg also mentioned that if the guys aren't putting her physical needs above his own and spending at least an hour at a time with his wife, they're really missing out. Last night all the women nodded their heads in agreement and the guys either looked down or stared, glazed over, trying to take it all in.
Greg talked about the importance of communication before or during a couple's time together. He talked about the need for repentance from anything in the past that could be a hindrance, as well as other things that can hinder intimacy, like children, stress, worry, illness, etc.
It was a great meeting. Lots of information, things to work on, and even some laughter.
One of the members of our small group that Greg is disipling will be leading the next 2 studies on integrity. We're hoping he'll lead a men's study someday and this is a great way to have him practice. That's all discipleship is, teaching and giving opportunities to grow. If you're a small group leader, are you giving your members opportunities to stretch and grow by leading? This biggest blessing a leader can have is seeing one of their disciples stretch, grow, and begin to lead on their own. God once told Greg not to count the people (who will be in attendance in our church) but to count how many people we release (trusting people to do ministry). Yep, that's what it's all about.
Blessings to you on this cold, frosty, yet sunny and clear Thursday.
We had a great small group meeting last night. As we drove over with one of our leadership team members and she and Greg we chatting, I began to pray silently for the meeting. Greg and I always prayed together on the way over and we've seen some amazing things happen in our meetings. Lately, the conversations in the car have nixed the prayer time, so being the quiet one, I decided to cover it. Last night was no different, the coolest thing that happened was that their youngest son and his fiance showed up for the entire meeting. They've been to 2 of our prayer meetings over the last 8-10 months. We were thrilled to have them there, and boy did they show up for a doozy of a topic!
We finished our series on marriage, ending with . . . romance and sex. It didn't seem to me Greg held anything back, but he said he did a little. We looked at scripture and Greg had each couple do some talking back and forth at times. One of the topics he touched on was about a husband being a spiritual covering for his wife. The funny thing was that 3 of the 4 women knew what a spiritual covering was and could explain it to her husband, and not one husband knew what it was!
A spiritual covering is when a husband prays with and for his wife, puts her needs above his own, leads his family, and is right with God. The wonderful thing about men who do this is the effect it has on their wife. We all shared it made us feel treasured, loved, cared for, protected, and safe. When a woman feels this way, there is trust and mutual understanding. Our roles as husband and wife are more properly aligned. This results in a woman wanting to share in the physical part of the relationship.
Greg also mentioned that if the guys aren't putting her physical needs above his own and spending at least an hour at a time with his wife, they're really missing out. Last night all the women nodded their heads in agreement and the guys either looked down or stared, glazed over, trying to take it all in.
Greg talked about the importance of communication before or during a couple's time together. He talked about the need for repentance from anything in the past that could be a hindrance, as well as other things that can hinder intimacy, like children, stress, worry, illness, etc.
It was a great meeting. Lots of information, things to work on, and even some laughter.
One of the members of our small group that Greg is disipling will be leading the next 2 studies on integrity. We're hoping he'll lead a men's study someday and this is a great way to have him practice. That's all discipleship is, teaching and giving opportunities to grow. If you're a small group leader, are you giving your members opportunities to stretch and grow by leading? This biggest blessing a leader can have is seeing one of their disciples stretch, grow, and begin to lead on their own. God once told Greg not to count the people (who will be in attendance in our church) but to count how many people we release (trusting people to do ministry). Yep, that's what it's all about.
Blessings to you on this cold, frosty, yet sunny and clear Thursday.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Spiritual Warfare #27
Good morning! Today we'll look at how marriage can be compromised by Charles Stanley.
Numerous times people have come to me saying how they have fallen in love with a wonderful person. It is always exciting to hear the joy in their voices. But before long, I see a drop in their happy expression. I usually know what they are about to say: "The only problem I'm facing is she [or he] is not a believer." This is a huge problem that cannot be explained away. The apostle Paul admonished,
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God. (2 Cor. 6:14-16)
At this point, many people interject that they are witnessing to the person and not planning to marry him or her. They just want to date, but what they are doing is tripping a landmine that they cannot hope to defuse.
Compromise always leads us away from God-a little at first, but the destination is the same-far from God's will. What are you willing to compromise to feel accepted or loved for a short season? This line of thinking may sound very narrow-minded. If it does, then perhaps you have already started down the path of compromise.
These days, a kiss on the cheek is rarely where a couple says good night. If the person you are dating is a nonbeliever, he or she has the ability to pull you down. Over the years, I have seen many marriages-unequally yoked-end in sorrow and defeat. It may be one of the most difficult things you will ever do, but if you know the person you are seeing is not saved, then you need to step0 away from the relationship until there is an eternal shift in his or her devotion-one that you know without a doubt is sincere.
That's a good dose of wisdom for today. As I type, I'm reminded of a youth worker's job, and how important this kind of training is to them. Jr. High and High School kids are just starting to think in this direction. Feeling attractions to people at school can put them in harm's way if they haven't made pre-decisions. (Mentioned yesterday) I think often kids aren't taught about the dangers of close associations with unbelievers. Friendships with the same gender for the purpose of showing Christ's love and sharing the gospel is fine. But when an attraction to an unbeliever who is a member of the opposite gender starts to occur, it's a big red flag.
I know the pain of many women in our church who are married to unbelievers. Most of them were unbelievers when they got married, but became Christians afterwards. These wonderful ladies endure church services, Christmas celebrations, and other services alone, as their spouse refuses to enter the church, even for the sake of their wives. This puts up a wall, sending the message to the wife that she's not important enough for him to put aside his fears and discomfort to be with her.
There is another situation which should be looked at as well. It is when there is an attraction between two believers, but one is more spiritually mature than the other. This is an unequal yoking as well. Can it change? Sure. Do you want to bet on it? I'm not talking about Bible knowledge. I'm talking about the choices a person makes and their submission to the Lord and relationship with Him. When two are equally yoked, they can move ahead in their walk with lightening speed, instead of stopping at every disagreement and working it out at length.
I hope this has been helpful. Tomorrow we'll look at money.
Numerous times people have come to me saying how they have fallen in love with a wonderful person. It is always exciting to hear the joy in their voices. But before long, I see a drop in their happy expression. I usually know what they are about to say: "The only problem I'm facing is she [or he] is not a believer." This is a huge problem that cannot be explained away. The apostle Paul admonished,
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God. (2 Cor. 6:14-16)
At this point, many people interject that they are witnessing to the person and not planning to marry him or her. They just want to date, but what they are doing is tripping a landmine that they cannot hope to defuse.
Compromise always leads us away from God-a little at first, but the destination is the same-far from God's will. What are you willing to compromise to feel accepted or loved for a short season? This line of thinking may sound very narrow-minded. If it does, then perhaps you have already started down the path of compromise.
These days, a kiss on the cheek is rarely where a couple says good night. If the person you are dating is a nonbeliever, he or she has the ability to pull you down. Over the years, I have seen many marriages-unequally yoked-end in sorrow and defeat. It may be one of the most difficult things you will ever do, but if you know the person you are seeing is not saved, then you need to step0 away from the relationship until there is an eternal shift in his or her devotion-one that you know without a doubt is sincere.
That's a good dose of wisdom for today. As I type, I'm reminded of a youth worker's job, and how important this kind of training is to them. Jr. High and High School kids are just starting to think in this direction. Feeling attractions to people at school can put them in harm's way if they haven't made pre-decisions. (Mentioned yesterday) I think often kids aren't taught about the dangers of close associations with unbelievers. Friendships with the same gender for the purpose of showing Christ's love and sharing the gospel is fine. But when an attraction to an unbeliever who is a member of the opposite gender starts to occur, it's a big red flag.
I know the pain of many women in our church who are married to unbelievers. Most of them were unbelievers when they got married, but became Christians afterwards. These wonderful ladies endure church services, Christmas celebrations, and other services alone, as their spouse refuses to enter the church, even for the sake of their wives. This puts up a wall, sending the message to the wife that she's not important enough for him to put aside his fears and discomfort to be with her.
There is another situation which should be looked at as well. It is when there is an attraction between two believers, but one is more spiritually mature than the other. This is an unequal yoking as well. Can it change? Sure. Do you want to bet on it? I'm not talking about Bible knowledge. I'm talking about the choices a person makes and their submission to the Lord and relationship with Him. When two are equally yoked, they can move ahead in their walk with lightening speed, instead of stopping at every disagreement and working it out at length.
I hope this has been helpful. Tomorrow we'll look at money.
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