Skewed Lenses

I had the strangest day yesterday. I had switched desks at work and as I sat there trying to work, it literally felt as if they desk was leaning towards me. I had three people sit in my desk to verify I wasn't losing my mind. They came up with different reasons. "The edge of your desk is now rounded, giving you an optical illusion." "Your chair is leaning." "There's more space between your desk and the wall now." I even had the custodian bring in a level, but the desk appeared to be level. I looked at my monitor. It was slanting to the left. I went in the foyer and it and a door was slanting to the left. I walked down the hallway and the edge of the tile was slanting to the left. It's enough to drive you batty!

I came to the conclusion that I must have switched my contacts inadvertently, hopefully, I'll know later today when I switch them back. I go to the optometrist this morning to have my prescription and astigmatism checked. As I thought about this, it reminded me of a book I read and took our small group through last year. It's called Love & Respect.

One of the things Dr. Emerson Eggerichs talks about in his book is pink and blue lenses. Women look through pink lenses and men through blue lenses. These act as filters for how we receive what is communicated to us. For example, I tell my son that the garbage is full. I think I'm asking him to take it out, but he receives it as a comment on the state of the garbage can, not as a request. We're subtle in our communication, men are more obvious in what they need to hear.

The book also talks about the Crazy Cycle. Women need to feel loved. Men need to feel they are respected. When a woman doesn't receive love, she reacts without respect for her husband, and if he doesn't receive respect, he reacts without love for her. It's a vicious cycle. A strong marriage is one where both give what the other needs, whether they feel like it or not. Examples of making a woman feel loved are what she responds to based on her love language. It might be kisses and touch, receiving gifts, spending time together, verbal encouragement, or doing nice things for her. The book uses the acronym COUPLE (Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem). Men feel respected when they are told how much they are appreciated and respected, when we submit to their authority without arguing about it, and helping our kids do the same. The book uses the acronym CHAIRS (Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality).

It's a good book for anyone who feels like their marriage could use a tune-up. It provides insight into how men and women relate to each other.