A Leader's Choice

Yesterday our Pastoral staff got together as we do each week and watched the next video on Developing the Leader Within You by John Maxwell. John shared his reflections on leadership, the things he's learned over the years. The thing that 'struck' me was when he said to ask ourselves "Do I want to help people or make them happy?" Obviously these are sometimes mutually exclusive. As a leader we're called to have the backbone to make the tough choices. Sometimes it means having a difficult conversation with someone about their attitude or behavior or decisions. Sometimes it means asking someone to step down from a leadership position or out of ministry for a season.

Of course it must be said that our first response to anyone in a position to receive rebuke is to gently restore them. That should always be first and foremost in our mind and we should make every attempt to do so. Sometimes just having a conversation with someone and bringing up a situation can resolve the issue if their heart is open. They realize the problem, have been fretting about it, and the fact that you brought it out in the open is a genuine relief to them. It means that you're on their side, standing beside them and wanting to help them resolve the issue. They are willing to do whatever you ask because you've built a trust with them and they want to be on good terms with you.

Another kind of person you might encounter is one who appears to be agreeing with you and submitting to your leadership, but then they turn around when you're not looking and do the same thing again. After a second conversation and seeing a pattern of rebellious behavior, a line should be drawn. Here are the rules. Here are your choices. Can you follow these rules? Then the decision is theirs.

Then you have people with a more closed heart. They might refute the evidence against them and get very defensive. They might get offended at the offer to help them. This is the most dangerous person to have in a leadership position. They shouldn't have been asked into leadership in the first place but now that they're there, you'll probably have to h ave the most uncomfortable conversation you've every had with anyone. Again, you want to restore them. That might mean they go to counseling, it might mean you or someone else walking beside them on a weekly basis helping them chip away at their pride and replace it with more God. They might yell at you and tell you they don't ever want to see you again. Keep loving them as much as possible. If they see you being consistent and loving them no matter what, they will learn to trust you and then you can really start pouring yourself into them.

I've had the opportunity to have all three of these conversations with people. I've dreaded having them all but lived to tell about them. It actually gets easier. Being non-confrontational, God has helped to grow me in this area by putting these people and their situations in my path. It's given me more confidence when faced with these situations again. I know he's growing me as a leader in this area and it is actually fun being able to pour into people even when you have to face the tough times with them. It's so worth it.